you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
