3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
