paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
