Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
