omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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