I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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