she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
