I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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