We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
