onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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