he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
