I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
