she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
