I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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