he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
