its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
