My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
