i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
