I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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