we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
