My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize