I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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