i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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