My friends, they love my intelligence
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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