Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
that is very illegal...i love you.
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