wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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