Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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