epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
