this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
