yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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