no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
