I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
