dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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