dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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