Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
