capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize