I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
