I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
