Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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