Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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