Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
