can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
