this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
