Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
