Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
