That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
