The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I love you.
Bad choice
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
