Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
