a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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