i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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