we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
