What a fucking waste of an outfit
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
