please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
