Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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