how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
