worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
