She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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