why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
