I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
