I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
