JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
