doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
