i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
