I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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