There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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