Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize