So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
