You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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