Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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